J D SALINGER - THE CATCHER IN THE RYE

Hello,

If you have not read 'The Catcher in the Rye' by JD Salinger you are missing something. I have not read it from the point of view of a critic and have no intention of praising it to the skies for the style and theme.

No I have no such intention. I have nothing serious to say on the book. All I want you to enjoy is the way the hero Holden Caulfield describes events places and people. It is a laugh riot.

A few samples:

Introducing his school:

Pencey Prep is this school in Agerstown, Pennsylvania. You probably heard of it. You've probably seen the ads anyway. They advertise in about a thousand magazines, always showing some hotshot guy on a horse jumping over a fence. Like as if all you ever did at Pencey was play polo all the time.

Talking about a game of football at Pencey:

I like to somewhere at least where you can see a few girls around once in a while, even if they're only scratching their arms or blowing their noses or even just giggling or something.

When his coat gets stolen:

The more expensive the school is, the more crooks it has - i'm not kidding.

Describing Old Spener, his History Teacher:

You never saw anybody nod as much in life as old Spencer did. You never knew if he was nodding alot because he was thinking and all or just because he was nice old guy that did'nt know his ass from his elbow.

His answer to a question on Egyptians:

The Egyptians were an ancient race of Caucasians residing in one of the northern sector of Africa. The latter as we all know is the largest continent in the eastern hemisphere. The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for various reasons. Modern science would still like to know what the secret ingredients were that the egyptians used when they wrapped up dead people so that their faces would not rot for innumerable centuries. This iteresting riddle is still quite a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.

Dear Mr. Spencer, This is all I know about Egyptians. I cant seem to get very interested in them although your lectures are very interesting. It is all right with me if you flunk me though as I am flunking everything also except English anyway.

Respectfully yours,

Holden Caulfield.

If you find the above funny you just have to go through the build up to these to clutch your stomach from bursting of laughter.

A wonderful wonderful depiction of what goes through the head of teenagers.

I loved it when I read it first long long ago and all that. This time it really killed me. I'm not shooting crap. Just go through it and you will know why.

Best regards,

Manoj

SHARM EL SHEIKH - A HOLIDAY DESTINATION FOR THE LAZY

Hello,

Sharm El Sheikh was our first destination in Egypt and to begin with we were looking forward to a fun filled Chirstmas Eve Dinner that was part of the holiday package we had booked.

Unfortunately our flight got delayed and when we reached our hotel it was almost midnight. As we had skipped dinner at Kuwait expecting to stuff ourselves later we were all hungry and tired by the time we checked into our rooms. 'Novotel' provided us with beautiful accommodation.

After getting into our night clothes we called the room service for food. The menu was limited and we had no option but to go for something called rice and grilled chicken and rice and kofta.

While in India Kofta is generally vegetarian, Kofta in the Arabic world is another name for beef. The grilled chicken was in the smallest portion possible and the rice was absolutely different from what we are used to. Anyway as beggars can't be choosers we made do with the available stuff. Luckily there were some grilled potato pieces. What I can say is that we slept on empty stomachs.

Next morning we woke up early and opened our room doors to a big balcony facing the hotel garden. The weather was wonderful and we were already hungry enough we got ready for breakfast by 8 AM. We had a good breakfast.

Although we were on the other side of the road from the beach it was no big deal as the walk to the beach was just a couple of minutes. I must also add that staying on the other side turned out to be a better option because the beach side was crowded and noisy as well.

The Hotel has a private beach and the view of the sea is wonderful. Putting on our snorkelling gear we entered the sea to witness an amazing marine habitat. The sea animals and corals provided an awesome mixture of colours. While we have always dealt with colours in our daily life getting to see it underwater is a different thrill. Ialways connect the sea to waves, sand and bottomless depths and therefore everytime I see the corals and the marine life I am amazed.

That afternnon we had decided that come what may we will find an Indian restaurant to fill our tummies. We were not very optimistic but took the chance of going to the main market place. Funny, but we had a big neon sign for an Indian Restaurant just next door to our hotel. Anyway we did make a trip to the market and found an Indian Restaurant there as well. The food was good.

We took a tour of the market, bought some stuff at Seven Eleven, purchased mementos and had delicious glasses of Sugarcane juice.

Sharm El Sheikh is built to attract tourists. They have good hotels all located on the beach side and a very small local population.

It is clean and we don't have hawkers tapping you on your back as you try to have a peaceful vacation by the seaside.

I regret having kept just one full day for the place as we missed out on the boat trips to islands nearby that could have given us better beaches and coral life.

Sharm El Sheikh is for people who love the sea, have money and have time to spare. A destination for lazing around.

Best regards,

Manoj

MY BEST BIRTHDAY

Hi,

Yesterday was my birthday.

I will not disclose how many I have celebrated till now but this year it did seem to be different.

I had a lot of good wishes pouring in from my family and friends. Now that I am on Facebook and the date is prominently displayed in my profile I had wishes from several friends who till this year did not even know that I existed.

Ever since I started working (1985), my birthdays have been low key. The reason being that the official date is very different from the actual. Well, as my colleagues never picked up this date from the records they had no reason to wish me and I had no reason to celebrate.

This year it was different and my thoughts went back to my best birthday ever.

I remember that till in school my birthdays were big occassions, not only for me but also for my family and friends. The reasons I guess were as under:

• I always had a birthday party and all of us would have a blast at home.
• It was especially joyous during the olden days as this was one day I was assured of getting a new set of clothes. Not that we were in tatters for the remaining part of the year but getting a good set of shirt-pant was always special.
• A lot of gifts.
• Becoming the centre of attraction

My best birthday was when I was in Class IX:

I have fond memories of this birthday. Our gang of around 12 guys from a class of about 30 decided to make it extra special by bunking school. We had bunked class in small groups before, but all of us failed to realize that if 40% of the class is missing the absence is too conspicous. We had gathered at the school gates, making a big show of our intentions before cooly walking away, right under the gaze of our teachers, when the morning assembly got started.

Once out of School we were bereft of ideas and ended up spending almost half the day competeing against each other in all kinds of races at the sports field a mile away from school. The Ishapore Gun Factory staff who saw us thought we were practicing for some special sports event and I am sure word got back to school as well.

Then when we got tired of the running around we sat under the shade of tree opened our tiffins and had our lunch.

At 1:30 we were at the cinema watching 'Teesri Manzil'. I still believe that this is the best movie I have ever seen. What songs, romance, dances and suspense! But the most special memory is the gay abandon of adoloscence. I had not a care in the world and I had my friends around me. Such bliss! I can never remember of any other day in life that gave me more joy.

The evening started with the party at home and guys and girls from the neighbourhood all collected to make a huge happy crowd. Pankaj, another friend from school, who did not bunk that day, had also joined us with his guitar and we had a wonderful evening of song, dance and games. I had by then developed my own style of crazy dancing and most probably it was the first time I displayed it in public. It awed my audience and some steps became so popular that other guys would try and copy it at other occasions.

Next day the excitement continued and all of us (school bunkers) got called into the Principal's office where we gave different explanations for our absence from school. Mrs. Reba Basu (my favorite School Principal) could not help but smile at the ingenious excuses we invented. Finally she asked us all to go home and get letters from our parents explaining the absence. We once again gathered at the sports ground sat under the tree and contemplated on how to handle the situation. I succeeded in copying the signatures of the fathers of a few guys, Susmit, Lalit and Rakesh. I don't remember but most probably Vinod, Siddharth and Ravindra did their own dirty job while I also made a trip home and woke up my Uncle from his afternoon siesta and got his signature on my leave application before he realized what hit him.

Finally, our applications in order we trooped back to the Principal's office. Mrs. Basu, looked at the applications and said "Although I know that a few fathers are present here as well I will not talk to them and let you go back into your class". I promise you she was smiling all thorugh this sentence. "Twisting my ears she told me "Do you think I can not make out your hand writing."

I loved her then. She was beautiful! Pan stained teeth, a few missing, slightly bald, a little on the fatter side, manly voice, heart of gold. She knew that we had spend almost the entire day exercising our thigh muscles in the sports field. I am sure nobody told her about 'Teesri Manzil'.

Anyway all in all now even after 30 years I still remember every moment of that day and the memories become too bright on birthdays.

How I pray to have another birthday like that.

BEREFT BY ROBERT FROST

Where had I heard this wind before

Change like this to a deeper roar?

What would it take my standing there for,

Holding open a restive door,

Looking down hill to a frothy shore?

Summer was past and the day was past.

Sombre clouds in the west were massed.

Out on the porch's sagging floor,

Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,

Blindly struck at my knee and missed.

Something sinister in the tone

Told me my secret must be known:

Word I was in the house alone

Somehow must have gotten abroad,

Word I was in my life alone,

Word I had no one left but God.