Why should anybody do it ? But she did it. Its in the local newspapers today.
Usha now of 50 years of age, lived with her husband Ramesh, alone in their sprawling house. Their son lived in the USA and daughter was married and settled in Mumbai. So Usha would everyday go to the Jain Mandir for so many years now.
It was hot in the afternoon. She took an autorickshaw. When she offered Rs.50 for the round trip, the driver thought he was having a lucky day.
Usha alighted at the Mandir entrance and asked the driver to wait. Soon the driver fell asleep in the back seat of the auto. He was snapped out of the reverie of the dancing Rs.50 note, with Ramesh shaking him by the shoulder. "Have seen a middle-aged woman come to the Mandir", Ramesh was asking him. It was late, dark and the street lights were on.
"Yes, of course, I brought her," said the driver, alarmed.
"Well, I've looked for her everywhere and she is nowhere to be seen", said Ramesh. "I've even asked the caretaker's family and they have no clue." Except, yes except, thought Ramesh, for the pair of slippers like Usha's by the 13-inch open and abandoned borewell in the Mandir courtyard. "Oh my God!"
The administration took some time to swing into action. But in a couple of hours the police procured and lowered a camera with light down the borewell. There she was. Quick, lower the oxygen supply tube. She was motionless. Bringing her up was only technical frivolity.
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13 comments:
Hi Sanjoy,
Not bad for a start.
I am sure you are capable and this shows that the talent is there. Exploit it before it expires.
Best regards,
Manoj
I wish you showed some evidence that you have read it too. Of course the talent is there in everyone (it never expires) to write his own stories and read them himself (even after publications in blogs & anthologies). It is when others really read, a writer is born.
Hi Sanjoy,
I have read your piece. I think is well written from a technical view point but even in this small piece the feeling is that the heart of the writer does not beat in synchronization with the story. It reads like an outsiders account.
The estrangement of the protagonist with life could have come out stronger.
As regards writing and reading my own stories on my blog and anthologies are concerned I am happy that way.
I have no pretensions of being a hot shot writer irrespective of what people have to say about my stories. I have heard praise and I have my critics. But finally I am doing what I am doing as it gives me joy. Even your barbed comments cannot steer me away from this path. May the technical hearts fry dark brown on the red hot pan of jealousy!
By the way, I will surely be happier when people start reading my stories.
Best regards,
Manoj
There is still no evidence that you have read what I wrote. Anybody could have written all that you have said even without reading one word.
Even if one chap really reads what I have written, I would say "finally I am doing what I am doing as it gives me joy". You have to really read something to be adle to really criticise.
On rereading your comment I do find I've been hasty. You have read the story (ok, hardly story. An anecdote maybe.)
Thanks for saying that it is technically well written, though I don't see how.
It is indeed an outsider's story and an outsider's heart can also beat, not necessarily with that of the protagonist. The estrangement with life is not the focus. The meaning is in the meaningless of it all.
Hi Sanjoy,
When you write you have a certain theme in mind, however the same story can make a reader think tangentially and get on to another theme.
I do feel that both of us mean the same when we say "estrangement with life" and "meaningless of it all".
Technically perfect it is because it has all the ingredients in place. But it does not touch the heart because of the emphasis on the technical aspect.
The technical imperfections, the trangressions, the little flaws, the beating of the writer's heart when put in paper is what makes a story. Otherwise as you say it is just an anecdote.
By the way I hope it gives you joy to know that I read everything you send even if it is a forwarded mail on cute Pandas.
Best regards,
Manoj
Of course, I have failed if I have not touched the heart. But imperfections, letting go of the intensity, I don't think will make it do that. But I'm able to understand why you say, "not bad for a start". Being creative can't happen just like that.
Hi Sanjoy,
For example when I wrote "Victim..." I had a theme in mind. The book came out and I gave it to a few friends. One a guy rich enough to think about retirement and two a woman pious and devoted to her husband.
The rich guy looked at the story from the angle of what could happen to a guy who takes an early retirement. He felt for the guy. The woman looked at the story from the angle of what should happen to a guy who betrays the trust of his wife. She felt that the end was justified and took the guy to be a villian.
I know it is difficult for you to let imperfections get in as you are looking at these things with extremely critical vision. Sometimes the flow needs to be broken. When I say imperfections, I do not mean imperfections in the narration I mean technical imperfections. Let it be humane, lovable because of the imperfections. A cleft chin, a broken nose, a scar over the eyes. It all adds to the beauty of the face.
Best regards,
Manoj
Still I'm not enlightened about my story. I thought that was the sticking point of our this discussion.
Of course, its a general principle that everyone would identify with and look at a good creative tale, from his point of view. If the story allows for that, it is great.
I still don't understand what is the technical of the technical imperfection. You seem to be saying that it is human to be imperfect and that is endearing. Who's disagreeing to that ?
What are you saying about the story, in all this.
Hi Sanjoy,
OK one word for your story.
It is DRY. Too journalistic.
Best regards,
Manoj
Thanks. Thats like a good friend. I think you are correct. I have to do something about it. They shouldnot have been shot out so instantly.
Thats really a professional advise. Thanks.
Hi Sanjoy,
Although I am no big judge on these issues. I feel that the ability for exhibiting the story teller involvement will come automatically as you keep reading and re-reading your composition.
Small tweaks are all that is needed.
Best regards,
Manoj
But if you have not caught the inspired state of mind, reading and re-reading is only drudgery.
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